girlnamedxena

Ok, the topic of today's rant is slash in fanfiction, particularly Harry Potter, since that's what I'm familiar with. I am, however, not gay so take this with a grain of salt and if you think I've gotten something wrong let me know so I can change it.

1) It's generally written by people of the female presuasion- so what the hell do they know about being a guy? What it feels like physically and emotionally. Let alone a guy, who is often finding out for the first time that he's gay? I mean, it would be a huge shock to the system to start making out with your best friend/worse enemy (whatever the case may be) and going like "Hey, this is fun even though he's not a girl!" I seriously don't think so. The guys usually act like girls anyway.Which brings me to my next point...

2) Most slashfic is written like hetfic, except both characters are male. Femslash is a little different, but it still runs into this problam. The sexual tension (if there is any) is the same, the long, emotional conversations about "feelings" are the same. Even the sex scenes are the same, add or minus a few important bits and pieces. So what's the point?

3) I've read many, many slashfics, but have yet read a fanfic where the friend of the two boinkers is disgusted by homosexuality. Sure, they may not like who their friend is with, but the fact that said friend is gay never seems to be a problem (You're screwing him? vs. You're screwing a guy?). This is even the case in mauraders era fics, which is the late seventies. No one was openly gay back then, and if they were they would probably be pounded on or killed. Even today there are people with simular attitudes. I've heard weak excuses like 'things are different in wizarding society' or whatever, but there are plenty of wizards who did not grow up in wizarding society, so that's a pathetic argument at best.

4) the characters themselves accept their behavoir, often with little or no question. Where is the self doubt, the self loathing, the resentment? I know that lots of gays feel that way about themselves when they're first figuring it out. And figuring it out by having one of your same-sex peers sticking their tongue down your throat would likely only compound this confusion. If there is an inner monologue of confusion, it usually resolves itself after a few paragraphs and then the two characters go off and f*ck like bunnies.

5) do I even have to mention that first time sex is enjoyable for both parties, even though in reality it would hurt like Hell?

6) I could also go on about kink- the presence and uses of, but I think that's a rant entirely to itself.

7) Professions of undying love and unimaginitive pet names. These are stupid. Most guys are not the touchy-feely sort and wouldn't go on for pages about how much they love each other, and how beautiful each other are. If I read one more Sirius telling Remus he's beautiful despite the scars (which aren't even canon, by the way) or one more Snape with silky rather than greesy hair I'll...I'll... be upset. So there.

8) It also annoys me to no end how damn addictive this literary garbage is. Because I'm sorry, but fanfiction is just not as good as original. I've read plenty of it- Hell, I've written it, but it just isn't as good. I don't see why people don't direct their energies to something of their own imagining. A lot of times fanfic writers will twist characters, places and events so far out of shape that all they need is a few name changes and it would be a piece of original work anyway. But, people still write them. Probably because there is an audience, who, like me, are addicted to it. I have to admit that there is some good fanfiction out there, but the amount of crap you have to dig through to find it is enormous. And the people who are capable of writing good fanfiction should drop the fan and write something original. And to all those people with book length fanfics? GET A FREAKING LIFE!!!

Wow, that was snarky. I now feel the need to say that this rant is not directed at you or your fanfic. It's just a list of things that bother me, and if your fanfic happens to include them I'm not particulairly surprised, since these are elements common to pretty much every slashfic (and many hetfics) that I've read.

This rant was brought to you by Brokeback Mountain, which doesn't have most of this stuff. The real, raw, truthfullness of the movie threw into sharp relief the crap that goes on in fanfiction to the point that I felt a rant coming on.